When It's Time to Seek Help:
Your child's school counselor, a clergy, a local youth service bureau, drug treatment
or counseling agency can all provide you with information and advice on what to
do next. If you're not sure to whom to turn, call INFOLINE at 2-1-1 or visit www.211ct.org; you will be directed to someone with whom you can talk. If your child is in the very early stages of alcohol or drug use, making your
no-use rules clear and enforcing consequences for behaviors that concern you may
stop the problem. Many schools and youth service bureaus offer drug prevention
insight groups through their student assistance programs. Your child can participate in these
groups. Contact your child's school. Speak to your child's guidance counselor and ask
if school staff are seeing any unusual behavior or inconsistencies in performance.
Ask to be contacted if they observe anything of concern. Ask if they have a student
assistance program; ask to speak to a student assistance team member. The more warning signs you observe, the more likely it is that your child is facing a serious problem
that requires professional help. A combination of warning signs indicates that child has been using alcohol or other drugs on a regular basis.
A professional evaluation will be needed to determine the best course of action. Use checklists to record all the behaviors that concern you. If you really aren't
sure there is a problem and want to delay taking action, set a time limit of no
more than two months. Carefully record every behavior that concerns you during
this period. Documenting your observations is important because your child will
work hard to convince you that things didn't happen the way you remember. Some parents search their child's room looking for evidence of drugs or paraphernalia.
You should expect that your child will be offended at your invasion of privacy.
If you do find contraband, typcially you will be informed that it belongs to someone
else. Careful preparation will increase your confidence in dealing with the problem
and give you the opportunity to anticipate how your child will react. Anticipating
your child's response gives you time to preare your own. Decide if you want anyone
else to be present when you talk to your child. You might consider another family
member, a school counselor or clergy. Describe specific behaviors you and others have observed and when they occurred. The
more specific you are, especially if you have written your observations down,
the harder it will be for your child to deny, disagree or argue. Express your love and concern and your desire to help your child. Emphasize your firm, non-negotiable position that you will not tolerate drug
use and that you intend to determine if these behaviors are indications of drug
use. It is not useful to ask your child if s/he is using drugs. Almost always, children
will deny using. If you haven't observed very many warning signs and believe that your child has just begun using, emphasize that any use of alcohol
or other drugs at all is unacceptable. Describe the consequences for further behaviors
that concern you. Use strong leverage; consequences might include no driver's
license, no use of the family car, an earlier curfew. If you have observed multiple warning signs, discuss your immediate plan of action. It is a sound strategy to schedule a
drug evaluation before you talk with your child. During your discussion, relate
that you will go together to the scheduled appointment. If your child balks at
having an assessment, claiming that drugs are not a problem, you can offer reassurance
that the assessment will support his assertion, if true; therefore, there should
be nothing to worry about. Reiterate the behaviors that concern you and your intention to get help. Don't negotiate, bargain or debate. Keep it simple. Stick with your major points and documented behaviors of concern. A drug assessment is the surest way to determine the extent of your child's problem
with alcohol and other drugs. When you make the appointment, ensure that the agency
understands that the evaluation is for an adolescent; also, that the evaluation
includes a drug test. Don't alert your child that a drug test will be part of
the assessment. It is your child's decision whether or not you can be present during the conduct
of the assessment. Provide the agency/counselor with your documented informatio
before the interview. Encourage the counselor to have your child sign a release
of information consent so that s/he may discuss the evaluation results with you.
Federal law prohibits disclosure of the results unless the child consents. Again, don't negotiate, bargain or debate. Don't allow temporarily improved behavior
to weaken your resolve. If your child absolutely refuses to go to the appointment,
go yourself. Use the time with the counselor to discuss the situation and determine
what to do next. If ignored, alcohol and other drug use will progress. Often, parents have to
continue to discuss the situation with the child, document evidence and work with
other significant adults in the child's life to turn things around. This difficult
intervention may take more time than you want. Persevere. Get help for yourself. Parent support groups such as Families Anonymous, Tough
Love and Alanon can provide effective help to you as you strive to provide productive
and sound help to your child.
Taking Action
Involve a professional to help determine what to do next.
Document as much evidence as you can.
Prepare what you want to say to your child.
Plan to talk with your child at a time in a setting where you can have uninterrupted
discussion.
Strengthen your interaction by using the following talking points:
Make an appointment for a drug assessment for your child.
Keep the appointment, no matter what.
Don't give up if things don't go the way you want - go the distance.
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